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It Isn’t Easy Being Orange on St. Paddy’s Day

By Mahons On March 17th, 2011

Don’t you feel sorry for the poor Unionists on St. Patrick’s Day.  Surrounded by a world wearing green, parading Pats and Mikes without bowler hats waving the tricolors – the poor unionist community has it hard today.  Sure St. Patrick was a Saint and all and roamed around the northern part of the island, but the damned nationalists use his day to celebrate Irishness!  The nerve!  Why can’t they pine for the days of oppression and want?  And to top it off, that orgy of papist rabble known as the New York City St. Patrick’s Day Parade is 250 years old – AND IT WAS STARTED BY PROTESTANTS!  Talk about shooting yourself in the foot.  I’ll bet Ian Paisley rues marching in that first one.

However, in these less tense times I feel it is my duty as a plastic paddy to offer the Unionist Community solace and alternate reasons to celebrate today. 

How about partying in honor of St. Gertrude of Nivelles? It is her feast day today as well.  She was a Benedictine Abbess and is the patroness of travelers (not that kind) and gardeners.

Doesn’t grab you?  Well then it is also the feast day of St. Jan Sarkander who was martyred by those nasty Hussites in 1620.  The Hussites were the forerunners of the Protestant reformation and racked and tortured poor Jan.   Ouch. 

Course everyone loves St. Joseph of Arimathea – the ultimate collector (he asked Pilate for Christ’s body).   A virtuous and righteous man according to the good book.   It is Joe’s feast day today as well.

Unmoved?  How about ordering Chinese takeaway and celebrating Bl Peter Lieou, a martyr in China who was strangled while trying to comfort Christians in prison in the 19th Century.   March 17th is his feast day too.

If all else fails, celebrate St. Paul of Cyprus, a martyr for the cause of venerating icons (I’d prefer to go for something a little more martyr-worthy myself, perhaps for venerating whiskey) .  Poor Paul of Cyprus ran afoul of the Byzantine Empire’s prohibition on venerating icons, so he was tortured and burned.  Imagine what they would do to Elvis fans.   Paul of Cyprus shares March 17th as a feast day.

So lighten up all those who find themselves the Ebenezer Scrooges of St. Patrick’s Day.  God made more Saints, there are others you can celebrate instead of St. Patrick.  Put on a happy face.

17 Responses to “It Isn’t Easy Being Orange on St. Paddy’s Day”

  1. Speaking as a Paddy (if any old immigrant is British by dint of passport …) all this painting up and flag waving and jigging about is highly embarrassing.

    A mature people with quiet confidence in their deep cultural roots ought to make less of a fuss about these things. In fact many do make little fuss of it and leave the Paddy’s Day malarky to the tourists and clingy.

    As for unionists, well yes. But then their very recent memory is of thousands of their family, relatives and compatriots being murdered in the cause of the tricolour.

    Only the impressively arrogant and ignorant can tell them to shut up and suck it up when that same flag is shoved in their faces in their country.

  2. Whose telling the poor dears to shut up and suck it up? Not me. With the patience of a Saint I’ve offered them examples of other Saints to rever. I think their worship should be as selective as their history.

  3. “So lighten up all those who find themselves the Ebenezer Scrooges of St. Patrick’s Day. God made more Saints, there are others you can celebrate instead of St. Patrick. Put on a happy face.”

    A Unionist with a happy face – you’re having a laugh!

  4. Mahons

    You are right that it is a happy and harmless day in most of the places round the world where it is celebrated. Unfortunately in Northern Ireland it is mostly a shinner-fest where the Most Oppressed People Ever use it to get a bit of revenge on their oppressors.

  5. Peter if the only revenge they seek is a knees up and a bit of craic I think you got off pretty easy

  6. Very entertaining Mahons

  7. Chill, Mahons. We have the 12th. and 13th. Cheer up drunker nationalists

  8. The 12th of July – St. Ansbald and St. Epiphania”s feast day! Well played.

  9. Oh my.

    We don’t do this St. Patrick’s Day in Texas. It’s a northern thing, an excuse to get drunk on piss beer and “celebrate” nothing anybody here has a real attachment to. A sham holiday for Americans.

    I went to the big St. Patrick’s Day parade in Chicago a few years back. People were puking in the street, black musicians were playing on floats, it was a contrived event I should have missed.

  10. The parades in Houston, Dallas and San Antonio must be hallucinations.

  11. They’re small beans full of falling down, Baptist drunks. The only reason they’re even held is due to the sad rustbelt diaspora who made their unemployed way down here back in the eighties.

    Those Pollacks like their parades.

  12. Good Lord, don’t let the Baptists drink! They think the “born on” date on beer bottles is when the alcohol accepted Jesus.

  13. Nah, they think it’s a sign of the coming Rapture. Hallelujah!

  14. Funny. Way things are going the sobs may be right.

  15. lol

  16. They’re small beans full of falling down, Baptist drunks.

    Got to be the line of the year on ATW 🙂

  17. I aim to amuse.