Rhymes with Bucket List
By Mahons On August 19th, 2012A bucket list is a checklist of things you want to do before you kick the bucket. I have a list of things I do not want to do before I kick the bucket, and fully intend to avoid such items with all of my strength. I call it my “rhymes with Bucket” list and it contains things I will avoid like the plague.
1. Climbing Mt. Everest - If I manage to stay out of the Himalayas this item should be easy not to accomplish. Call me old fashioned, but rocky freezing cold perilous altitudes do not attract. Although as the father of three small children I have longed for a personal Nepali Sherpa to help me carry their shit, I recognize that it would be hard for a modern-day Tenzig Norgay to walk around the local mall carrying a Lightning McQueen knapsack filled with diapers, Scobby snacks and legos. All things considered, I simply do not wish to climb every mountain.
2. Attending the Burning Man Festival – I refer to the weird summer festival in Neveda, USA where the participants burn a giant effigy of a man in one of the world’s most pointless gatherings since the Osmond Family Reunion. This festival is not to be confused with my Irish friend in Bray who regularly fails to apply sunscreen during trips to the beach (though the rain has essentially cancelled that issue this year).
3. Running with the Bulls in Pamplona – Being gored, trampled and crushed among excited Spaniards is not my cup of tea. If I am going to die due to my association with cattle I prefer it to be the rather slower accumulation of the effects of a life of eating cheeseburgers. Social occasions with farm animals always ends in tears, just ask Catherine the Great of Russia.
4. Helping to Complete the Sagrada Familia Basilica- Not only do I intend to not run with the Spaniards in Pamplona, I will resist working with them in Barcelona. They have been working on the basilica since 1882 (at union rates no doubt) and don’t anticipate finishing it until 2026. Who am I to speed up the process? Besides, I prefer the Cathedral of the Holy Cross and St. Eulalia, already assembled.
5. Swimming Across the English Channel – Challenging tides, unfriendly jellyfish and modern bathing suits are bad enough, but the fact that once one leaves Dover there is no real alternative but to travel to France is horrifying. Course the coastal French are said to be nicer than the Parisians, so maybe if they will great me with sufficient amounts of champagne and Catherine Deneuve I will reconsider.
6. Going to Bangkok for Loi Krathong – Aside from taking the brave public stance of deploring Thai Food, I have no desire to go to a place named Bangkok. It sounds like and accident ready to happen, festival of lights or not.
7. Riding a Ghondola in Venice – General Grant once said Venice would be a fine city if they could drain the water out of the streets. I am not with him on that, but if I am on a romantic boat ride that last thing I want in it is a leering Italian steering the vessel.
8. Watching the Swallows Return to San Juan Capistrano – Birdwatching, really?
9. Skydiving – If I am going to do anything in a plane other than trying to join the mile high club (the time by myself doesn’t apparently count) it will NOT be jumping out of the plane.
10. Learning to Salsa Dance- I am ridiculous enough without that.
I’d help to destroy the Sagrada Familia. It’s an incredibly ugly carbuncle, a genuine crime against architecture.
“I call it my “rhymes with Bucket” list and it contains things I will avoid like the plague.”
Haha…genius!
We’re simpatico on everything except the salsa.
Forming tight figure eights with your hips is an enjoyable pastime.
Daphne – LOL. All right, I’ll substitute rock climbing on my no to do list.
Other anti bucket list things
Buy season tickets for an NFL team ( or for any other team )
Get anyone’s autograph
Attend a fundraiser for any political candidate
Eat mussels, fugu, or kimchi
Attend a rap concert , car race, or womens boxing match
I’ve done rock climbing (my husband was a stellar climber back in the day) and it’s an appropriate substitute. Belay my ass, it’s hardcore scary hanging off the side of cliff, praying for a solid foothold while holding onto a ledge by ten gripped fingertips.
Give me a polished dance floor any day of the week.
I am astonished anytime I see those guys climbing up sheer cliffs, at times with minimal equipment.
I agree with all but I did number 9, 5 times. Not by choice, scariest thing in the world.
Can I just say one name:
TODD AKIN.
I think most women would put ‘Legitimate rape,’ on their anti- bucket list.
I don’t know Pinky. Apparently its an effective form of contraceptive.
Yes, in GOP dictum, the sperm and egg appear to have the ability to distinguish between ‘legitimate’ and ‘illegitimate’ forms of rape.
Paul Ryan, through his work with Akin, is TOAST!
I wonder how many GOPers would like their daughters to be ‘legitimately’ raped? Any volunteers?
….today, Akin invoked 9-11 in his ‘apology’.
In fairness to this illiterate tea party imbecile, he was NOT saying that it was ever –legitimate– to rape anyone.
What the subhuman knuckle dragging spawn of Palin meant was ” in a clear and case of forcible rape ”
I don’t defend him. But let’s get real.
” As reprehensible as they are, current US Congressman and possible US Senator Rep. Todd Akin‘s (R-MO) remarks on the medical effects of “legitimate rape” are a gift to voters, who will now be exposed to the truth about vice-presidential nominee Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI), who co-sponsored a bill that insisted on an abortion exception only in cases of “forcible rape.”
http://www.mediaite.com/online/akin-bad-paul-ryans-forcible-rape-bill-co-sponsor-drags-him-into-daylight/
Of course, everything he said about biology and pregnancy was entirely wrong.
What he MEANT to say politics?
Hmmmmm
Was it BamBam’s birthday yesterday?
“that victims of “legitimate rape” rarely get pregnant because the “female body has ways to shut that whole thing down.”
Is that the biology you refer to Phantom?
And Paul Ryan is making bills on the abortion issue with this Akin dumbass?
Ryan is TOAST.
Yep.
This discussion isn’t really appropriate on Mahons humorous (and politics free) bucket list thread.
Colm, how many beers will you buy me (not fosters) if I don’t say anything about it
Frank
I’d buy you a brewery, but I know it would be too cruel to expect you not to tear into this topic
Australians generally despise Foster’s ( fact )
Frank, all, whats your favorite commercially available beer? ( my second segue )
I’ll have a Dogfish IPA please
Colm,
Deal! I don’t know why I didn’t think of this scheme sooner.
Do I get a finders fee on the transaction?
http://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2012/04/bells_brewery_inc_to_be_sold_l.html
Pinky – it looks like Akin is withdrawing his candidacy and the Obama’s faux “republican war on women” will once again be taken off the table.
Looks like the Dems might have to discuss America’s unemployment afterall along with her record high debt-to-GDP. as well as the pending bankruptcy of Medicare as we know it under Obama.
Phantom,
I must admit I’m not a big fan of beer actually – these days I’d rather drink wine and occasionally a whisk(e)y. I like some bottled beers like Corona or Duvel.
When it comes to draught beer I scan the pumps for anything that is a brand I recognise and which isn’t likely to be warm or have bits of sawdust floating in it
Not that fussy otherwise, Amstel is nice but even Fosters or Stella is better than nothing if there isn’t anything else and you’re thirsty 
Patty
Without mentioning any other political actor – since whataboutry is not good
Don’t you find it astonishing that someone running for major office would say the things that he did?
Frank
I tend to match your views on favourite tipples. I too now prefer wine, white or red to beers (is that a sign of ageing ?) but obviously on a social night out I find it’s easier to drink pints of lager and to be honest, call me a philistine, but I can easily drink any lager and don’t really notice much difference between brands, as long as it’s ice cold that’s fine with me. As to spirits, I like Brandy, Whisky and dark rum – not too keen on clear spirits.
I like good beer but will also drink most beer, including the cheap stuff.
What my beer snob friends tend to miss is that the purpose of grog is to have a good buzzy time with friends.
Kokanee Beer from Canada is good – much nicer than Coors etc.
http://www.themovieouthere.ca/#lda
I was hoping to read 32 or so other bucket lists, not Akin’s moronic statement. Oh well.
consider the crowd
” Patty, on August 20th, 2012 at 8:14 pm Said:
Pinky – it looks like Akin is withdrawing his candidacy”
Poor Patty! LOL