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2012 updated!

By ATWadmin On January 11th, 2007

New Olympic sports were today unveiled by a surprised Richard Clayborn, Minister for Sport, (surprised by the fact that the list was ready, that is!); and the list was revealed as containing the following additional events, catered specifically for the true London Olympics.

100 METRES SPRINT. Competitors will have to hold a DVD recorder and microwave oven (one in each arm) and on the sound of the starting pistol, a police dog will be released from a cage 10 yards behind the athletes.

SHOOTING. A strong challenge is expected from the local men in this event. The first target will be a moving police van. In the second round, competitors will aim at a post office clerk, bank teller or Securicor style wages delivery man.

FENCING. Entrants will be asked to dispose of as much stolen silver and jewellery as possible in 5 minutes.

HAMMER. Competitors in this event may choose the type of hammer they wish to use (claw, sledge etc) the winner will be the one who can cause the most grievous bodily harm to members of the public within the time allowed.

MEN’S 50 KM WALK. Unfortunately this will have to be cancelled as the police cannot guarantee the safety of anyone walking the streets of London.

Mayor of London Ken Livingstone, when asked for a comment regarding the additions to the Olympic struggle about to erupt in London, replied that more attempts at introducing ‘diversity’ to a ‘white-dominated’ elite, were always to be welcomed.

 

One Response to “2012 updated!”

  1. attempts at introducing ‘diversity’ to a ‘white-dominated’ elite, were always to be welcomed.

    Too close to the truth to be funny. It is though!