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Saturday is New Times Day

By Mike Cunningham On July 4th, 2020

Adjust my diet

I have been trying to reduce the big roll of fat for about three weeks. I stopped the sensible dietary regime about four-odd months back, and my weight has ballooned because I have eaten lots more of all the wrong foods. So I decided, somewhat reluctantly to go back onto the regime which, for me, works. I won’t bore you with the details, as that which works for one old man would probably bring problems to another, who is possibly different in either metabolism, general health or need to reduce that same fat.

But, as we all know, things change; and I have decided to introduce, immediately, a new item to my diet. It will be either the oil, water or flesh of coconuts. But from only one specific country will my chosen coconut products be from; and that of course will be Thailand. Why Thai coconuts: you may well ask? Well, because some do-gooder alerted Carrie Symonds, our Prime Minister’s latest child’s mother; to the discovery that in that Country, enterprising Thai farmers have trained pigtailed Macaque monkeys to climb coconut trees and knock down the nuts to the waiting farmers below. As monkeys can knock ten times as much as humans can, this is good for both the farmers, and for those who would be waiting to enjoy the by-products of their work. If she succeeds, and more supermarkets ban these products, I will go online and buy the oils, flesh and water. I won’t be told by some bloody busybody what to eat, or not to eat, just because she thinks its terrible for the Bloody Monkeys!

Become a Morris Dancer / Man

I have never been a joiner, most clubs wouldn’t let me in anyways, sports and other like-minded pursuits do not appeal to me, and besides, these days I don’t get many opportunities to be away from home. But I have decided, as stated above, to join a Morris Team, or Men. Why now, when I would have to buy all the works, the clogs, the stockings, the bells and bangles. I shall have to learn the dances, sing the songs, wave the whatsits (streamers) around my head, and in general carry on like many of the dedicated Morris Teams all around the Country. Why, you may well ask? Simples. Its totally because I shall be blacking my face up, I shall be following in a long tradition of the ‘Moorish’ Men, who follow the old time beliefs of their wassailing traditions. We will, of course, not be joining the Joint Morris Organisation, which has banned the ‘blackface’ practice, on the grounds of being deeply unacceptable. A simple ‘bollocks’ to the J.M.O. If it is a clash between what is deemed ‘acceptable’ and heritage: i’m afraid Heritage wins every time!

Become a Sub-Postmaster supporter.

In amongst all the many things I must do, I must connect with the 900-odd SubPostmasters and Mistresses who are boiling mad at the iniquities of the Post Office decision to first of all criminalise all of them for theft  and malfeasance, whilst at the same time claiming to believe that their vaunted IT Horizon system was infallible. I would also condemn, without delay, their former Bosses, including Moya Greene, Paula Vennels, Tim Parker and Alice Perkins. They all ran full ahead on the prosecution of the Post Office staff; while being warned that the Horizon IT system was, at best, fudgy. People committed suicide, or went to prison or suffered bankruptcy, but they collected their huge salaries, and didn’t give a shit about the damage done!


3 Responses to “Saturday is New Times Day”

  1. staying angry as as mad as hell does more damage to the health than weight
    uses to be a time when old men mellowed , long gone those days for some
    it is a choice

  2. The SUb-Postmaster scandal is one genuinely deserving of anger. I saw the BBC doumentary on it. A really shocking abuse of innocent working people.

  3. oops i didn’t see that bit, my PC scrolled down only till the Monkeys part
    you’re correct and so is mick .