web analytics

ATW SATURDAY NIGHT COMEDY….!

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 6:06 pm

I think this is another gem from perhaps the most original gang of comics there has ever been….hope you enjoy it! It still raises a smile from me…it’s the startled looks on the faces of the Mounties as Eric increasingly reveals his..erm..unusual approach to being a Lumberjack that is so funny….O Canada!!!

ATW SATURDAY EVENING BRAINTEASER…!

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 5:36 pm

795151-564912-thumbnail.jpgOK you lot, I see that you’ve been arguing all day on another topic so I can’t think of a better moment to divert all that..ahem..collective intelligence into solving a little puzzle dreamed up by our resident ATW Logician-in-chief…Aileen!

Three young men named Ernesto, Fontleroy, and Gildenstern arrived singly at an inn and awaited the innkeeper. When she arrived at the front desk, all three asked for the best room. The innkeeper explained that, since it was not possible for them all to have the best room, the man who had arrived first could have a spacious room overlooking the village square, the second to arrive could have a small room with a partial view of the garden, and the third would have to settle for a drafty loft by the back alley, but it was the last room she had to offer. The following conversation ensued:
Ernesto: I am a saint.
Fontleroy: While I am only a mixer.
Gildenstern: I agree with you there, Fontleroy.
Ernesto: Gildenstern is a saint.
Fontleroy: No, he is a sinner.
Gildenstern: Then let me say: I did not arrive first.
Ernesto: Fontleroy is the sinner.
Fontleroy: Following Gildenstern’s lead, let me say: I did not arrive first.
Gildenstern: Ernesto is a mixer.
Ernesto: If that is so, then the most honest of us did not arrive last.
Fontleroy: Ernesto, you are a saint.
Gildenstern: Ha!
The innkeeper knew that everyone in these parts was either a (living) saint who always told the truth, a sinner who never told the truth, or a mixer whose statements strictly alternated between truth and untruth. Using deductive reasoning, what is the disposition of each man, and what room did the innkeeper assign to each. In the best traditions of the schoolroom, you need to show your "working out"
Aileen awaits your responses……….who will work it out first?

Leopards, spots and the big, bad bear!

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 1:59 pm

On many evenings during my sea-going days, I used to listen to the broadcasts of Radio Moscow, mainly because of the ludicrous claims regularly made on that truly biased station, but because of the present-day headlines, I was reminded of the ultimate story about those broadcasts; it went something along the lines of::-

Moscow Announcer (in tones of jubilation) "Our champion Olympic runner, Ivan Ivanovitch, has broken many world records yesterday! He has smashed the 100 metre record, the 220 metres and the 440 metre records, the 1500 and ten thousand metre records, the marathon time also fell to our unbeaten world Communist running star," the announcer’s voice then modulated and he went on, "however, all his efforts were in vain, he was captured and brought back to Moscow!"

The preceeding story might have little in common with the tragic, murderous end to the life of the Russian exiled former KGB Colonel, Alexander Litvinenko, who died this week, but it should serve to demonstrate how the Soviet Empire was viewed in the days before the presumed end of the Cold War. The super-efficient secret police, the feared K.G.B., were paramount, their very nod was either a passport to a comfortable flat or home, a university education and a prized job; or a one-way ticket to either a dreary life in an unheated dump, with no chance of a job and no chance at the better things in life, or a Gulag in Siberia if you were really lucky, and didn’t get shot! The efficiency of the K.G.B. was in stark contrast to just about everything else within the borders of the Soviet Empire, where the production and distribution of staples such as bread was pathetic, and the lives of the masses was uniformly bleak.

Things have changed dramatically since the days of the Communists and their bullying of the weaker peoples around them; the vassal states have gained a nominal independence, Gorbachev has been and gone, but the days of the big, bad Russian bullying Bear have not gone away, they’ve just changed their clothing! From a blood-stained suit of ill-fitting cloth, they’ve progressed to Saville Row suiting, and hand-made shoes; from the T-72 tank and the AK-47 rifle (the terrorist’s friend) to the Company Accountant and the Balance Sheet! The clothing may have altered, but the menace is still there, in spades! Russia has now the advantage of most of Europe being almost totally dependent upon it’s natural gas deposits, so just remember that it would be better to get along with the people who have their hands upon the valves! At least Britain has found the time to make provision for the import of gas from other areas, because if Putin gets stroppy, either the price doubles, or the taps might get turned off abruptly, and we depend upon natural gas for a hell of a lot of our industry, as well as domestic heating!

If you disagree with Putin, try living on a deserted island, because he’ll send his smooth F.S.B killers out, just as his brother officers of the K.G.B. were sent out in the ‘good old days’! The weapons may have altered, from an umbrella spike tipped with a RICIN pellet, to a radio-active pellet of POLONIUM 210 which seems to have been fed to the ill-fated dissident Russian. Polonium 210, by the way, has very few uses; the primary purpose being to help trigger a thermo-nuclear explosion, so you can understand why there’s not a lot around!

 

The leopard never changes it’s spots!

 

 

AN “UNSUNG HERO” ENTERS STAGE LEFT….

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 10:33 am

The most ironic statement I heard yesterday following Michael Stone’s one-man assault on Stormont (and it was repeated by more than a few talking heads) was that "we can’t let the men of violence win."

Excuse me, but the purpose of the political gathering at Stormont that Stone so dramatically interrupted was to install into high political office a man in the form of Martin McGuinness, who represents a terror cabal that has MURDERED THOUSANDS of innocent people. The stupefying hypocrisy from the MSM and the political establishment on this fact beggars all belief.

One can’t help but speculate that had Stone murdered many more people during his terror campaign, and had unionists chosen to endorse him and his ilk at the ballot box in the same sort of numbers that degenerate nationalists have endorsed IRA/Sinn Fein, would Stone have been INSIDE the chamber yesterday and been touted for High Office as McGuinness was?

The depravity that characterises the current political process is manifest for all to see. The truth is that Michael Stone was NOT the only terrorist at Stormont yesterday – so why was he the only way arrested????  Remember the words of that "much loved" and now departed politician Mo Mowlan who described mass murderer Michael Stone and Director of terrorism Johnny Adair as "the unsung heroes of the peace process."  THAT, my friends, is about as sick as it gets – the blatant lauding of killers.

And yet – those of us who condemn this bastardisation of democracy are presented as villains!!!

Rule of Rose Banned in UK?

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 10:24 am

rule-of-rose banned.jpgReaders may remember that on the 21st I brought to your attention the worrying possibility of a game of the very successful Silent Hill ilk being banned from European gamers. Apparently we’re that much less capable of discerning fiction from reality than those in the US and the Japan. Today’s news suggests that the self-appointed moralisers have managed to convince the company that would have been shipping the game to us (505 Games) that they really do know what’s best, and that includes keeping the game from us. Apparently the ideas of free will and personal responsibility really do count for nothing with some people as, despite the fact that games, like videos can be and often are age-restricted, this game must be stopped.

Some commenting here on ATW have said that Sony’s non-releasing of the game in the US makes the European outcry ‘seem tame by comparison’. This is, sadly, an utter nonsense. Sony did not release the game on its own volition because they feared that it would not be well received, which they are perfectly entitled to do as they are the ones who developed the game. However, they did not make any moves to stop Atlus games from releasing it in the US, and any American readers who have faith in their own sanity and ability to discern right from wrong and video games from day-to-day life may purchase the title from amazon.com. (Take a minute to appreciate how lucky you are that you’re allowed that freedom while you’re buying it.) Oddest thing of all? According to PSX Extreme, it’s only in the UK that this game, Rule of Rose, will be withheld from gamers. The rest of Europe, where the trouble and nonsense started, will get to play the game. I have sent a note to 505 Games asking why the UK in particular was selected for this dubious honour and, should I get a response, will let you all know. Personally, I’m not holding my breath in anticipation.

In the meantime, I think I might go play some Silent Hill. It is, after all, allowed in the UK, so it must be safe and non-disturbing. Right? Well, alright, you have a look at this and see what you think:

 

THE RADIOACTIVE BEAR PROWLS LONDON….

By ATWadmin On November 25th, 2006 at 10:14 am

nuclearsign203afp.jpgI’m sure we’ve all been following the remarkable tale of the former KGB Colonel, Alexander Litvinenko, who has been murdered in London by some form of radioactive contamination, using Pollonium 210. London police have detected traces of this material at several locations in the UK capital. 

On his deathbed, Litvinenko nailed the blame for his condition on Russian President Putin. He was a staunch critic of the Putin regime and has paid for this – with his life.

On a broader front, this brings into question the status of Russia under Putin. It is a dying country, in demographic freefall, and which is seeking to earn whatever cash it can by working with the likes of tyrannies such as IRAN,  providing them with a missile defence system (Mmm..and whose missiles do you think Iran might be anticipating having to stop – and why?).

I believe that Putin is no friend of the West, and that his regime is as corrupt and as weasely as any that proceeded it. The fact that it sends assassins armed with radioactive materials to London to silence those who criticise it is far from a work of fiction. Just ask the next of kin of Mr Litinenko.

ATW FRIDAY EVENING JUKEBOX

By ATWadmin On November 24th, 2006 at 7:48 pm

Here’s a grown-up song, with a  lyric that we would all do well to follow. The last verse is a bit of a tear-jerker…..!

WHO PACKED THE DUP’S BAGS?

By ATWadmin On November 24th, 2006 at 7:05 pm

Here is an article especially written for ATW by Samuel Morrison – a young Fermanagh-based unionist.

795151-564257-thumbnail.jpg"When we go away for a few days, we are all liable to forget a few things – our toothbrush, comb, camera, etc. However, given the size of the DUP talks team (it was reported in the press that the number exceeded that officially allowed by the government) one would have thought that at least one of them would have remembered to pack a copy of the manifesto.

If they did all forget to bring a copy they could easily have obtained one from the DUP website. Sir Reg and his team got into hot water with the NIO for posting on a blog while the talks were going on. Perhaps the Democratic Unionists didn’t have PCs in their rooms. Maybe the government removed them as punishment for bringing too many negotiators?

Jim Allister’s QC brain seems to have enabled him to recall most of the 2005 manifesto from memory. He appeared to have remembered that it contained a photograph of the Agreement in a waste paper basket and that any paper which merely made "practical changes to the operations of the Agreement" of 1998 was just not good enough.

Mr Allister is also, apparently, the only member of the talks team that recalled a commitment to "no terrorists in government", "accountability of all North-South matters to the people of Northern Ireland" (St Andrews says that "any changes to the existing arrangements would require the specific endorsement of the Assembly and the Oireachtas" which means that I, as a Northern Irish voter, cannot vote for a party that advocates the abolition of cross border bodies) and that "inclusive, mandatory coalition government which includes Sinn Fein under d’Hondt or any other system is out of the question".

The other members of the talks team appear to have only noticed these inconsistencies when they got home. Maybe that is why they never mentioned the manifesto in the "Your Verdict" document. The St Andrews Agreement versus the DUP manifesto would, as I have suggested to a number of senior party figures, make very interesting reading.

One wonders if Mr Robinson’s famous presentation with which he toured the country highlighted the following for party members:

St Andrews not only requires the DUP to attend cross border bodies (something which they never did in the past) but means they have to encourage more North-Southery (parties in the executive have to "encourage … the Assembly to establish a North-South parliamentary forum");

"The Government", not the Assembly, "will introduce an Irish Language Act reflecting the experience of Wales and Ireland" where signs are bilingual;

"The Government will work with business, trade unions and exprisoners groups to produce guidelines for employers which will reduce barriers to employment and enhance re-integration of former prisoners";

Dublin will work "with all the parties to establish a platform for long-term economic stability" in Northern Ireland thus laying the foundations for an all-Ireland economy;

Dr Paisley will have a Siamese twin like relationship with IRA killer Martin McGuinness because he has agreed to "observe the joint nature of the First and Deputy First Minister" and when he was saying that McGuinness will have to swear an oath supporting the police, did he remind his audience that Michel Collins and Eamon de Valera swore oaths of loyalty to the British Crown which, by DUP logic, would make the 1916 rebels monarchists?

The DUP‘s so-called "consultation exercise" was nothing of the sort. It was the biggest con job in Irish political history.

Some people might compare the DUP to Lundy. That would be unfair. Lundy had the manners to tell the people of Londonderry that he wanted to open the gates. The DUP have given Dublin the keys and are pretending that they have won a victory.

Samuel Morrison, former DUP voter.

“IRA GO MISSING” SHOCK SENSATION…..

By ATWadmin On November 24th, 2006 at 6:18 pm

795151-564230-thumbnail.jpgFor YEARS now, it has been the practice of the more intelligent Unionist politicians to refer to Sinn Fein/IRA as being one organisation, inextricably linked.  Individuals hold senior office in both parts of these terrorist hydra. But the times they are-a- changing. I have heard DUP luminary Jeffrey Donaldson on several occasions – most recently this evening – using media platforms to talk about "Sinn Fein" stepping up to the plate. The "IRA" part of their name has gone missing in action.

I suspect this is deliberate DUP softening up policy. They know that many unionists would not ever BUY the concept of IRA/Sinn Fein embracing policing – because they know that the IRA are lying terrorist thugs whose word means nothing. So instead the DUP now just refer to Sinn Fein – the IRA bit is excised. 

More DUP spin, I fear and Jeffrey should be ashamed of allowing himself to go through this Robinson- directed farce. If I have got it wrong, perhaps Jeffrey or his associates could make a point of explaining why he pointedly leaves out the words IRA when talking of Sinn Fein, when for so many years he made a point of inserting them? Jeffrey – where did the IRA go to?  Have they gone away? I think we should be told…

SEA LEVELS ARE FALLING!

By ATWadmin On November 24th, 2006 at 3:38 pm

earyh.jpgHave a read of this. It appears that CONTRARY to the Global Warming end of the world is nigh evangelical predictions, sea-levels are destined to FALL!

Why? Because the Antarctic ice-shelf is thickening – based on the the most recent decade of pertinent real-world data! But which of us shall break this devastating news to the Rev Al Gore?