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there are worse things in life

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 8:02 pm

A father passing by his son’s bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter.

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene  with Mom and you. I’ve been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercing, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a  trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t, really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune,  for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we’ll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!! Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I’m sure we’ll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, John.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on my desk.

Ahern Can Peace Off!

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 2:56 pm

Bertie Ahern has told the annual Fianna Fail commemoration at Arbour Hill (yawn, another republican pilgrimage) that, should his party be returned to office, he will support the erection of a ‘peace’ monument to be built on the border.

I am all for building things on the border between Ulster and the Irish Republic.  My designs are somewhat different.  A forty-foot high wall covered with barbed wire covering the entire length of the frontier – with selected border points charging travellers £70 or €100 per crossing – would be more up my street.  Never mind, let’s look at Bertie’s proposed little erection (as opposed to his big erection every time he commemorates republican terrorists, which usually protrudes from just above the bridge of his nose).

I am firmly of the opinion that peace without justice is not true peace at all.  Were it to be so, Ulster would not now be a more polarised society than ever before; separatists would not be congregating around Provo terrorists with an electoral ‘hip, hip, hooray!!’; and sectarian structures of representative government would not be in place at Stormont. Thus, if Bertie permits his monument to go ahead, we will have something to symbolise his version of ‘peace’; nothing to symbolise the true meaning of justice.

Of course we did have a monument to justice.  It was called Her Majesty’s Prison Maze.  It was where those who terrorised Northern Ireland’s innocent citizens and butchered its law-enforcers were sent to pay for their crimes.  It was a great wee place: so-called ‘loyalist’ terrorists could pump biceps and allow their intellectually-starved brains to justify the killing of innocent Catholics.  For the Provisionals, craftsmanship was more the order of the day.  They could indulge in such curriculum vitae-friendly activities as learning how to smear shit on the walls of their cells.  Moreover, for those with really strong stomachs (LOL!), they could participate in the prison’s very own crash diet course.  If you survived more than 66 days you received a tin cup with the words ‘Republican tosser’ engraved on it!!

Alas, thanks to the pursuit of Tony and Bertie’s false peace, this symbol of justice was closed and it now in the process of being demolished.  Oh, all except for that bit allowed to become the Provo-lovers’ version of Fatima.  So build you precious monument, Bertie.  It will be a good place to allow those aforesaid cross border travellers to relieve themselves should they be concerned about having to be charged to use the toilets at the Carrickdale Hotel.

That’s it from me, folks.  Off on hols to Malta tomorrow.  Back in the chair on Wednesday 2nd May. Ciao!

The National Day of Moaning

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 1:36 pm

movie1.jpgRather than an occasion of national celebration, St. George’s Day in England is a day to curse our miserly and arrogant rulers who feast and grow fat on the virgin blood of our taxes like the dragon of old. In their attempts to stifle English people’s sense of identity they deny us a national holiday, instead they arrange our public holidays as if selected by a blindfold dart-thrower aiming at the calendar.

Although London is not utterly bereft of events, in no way does it compare to the lavish official attention for St. Patrick’s Day with parades and a gala dinner with the Mayor – enough to turn anyone’s stomach. Could his own reptilian nature have something to do with his hostility to St. George? Was the dragon a distant relative?

robin_hood_4.jpgIn the spirit of no compromise, in addition to a public holiday on 23rd April, I propose a second national holiday in honour of that great English hero, Robin Hood, which we can celebrate by wearing lincoln green, reading poems about Maid Marion and firing arrows at tax inspectors.

 

And we’ll still have less than the Spanish. 

 

POLITICIANS TO LIMIT TV TIME?

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 10:23 am

As our society sinks deeper into a control freak mire that even my hero George Orwell could not have imagined, I now see it being argued that politicians should determine the amount of time children spend watching television and that this should be rationed to prevent health and learning problems. Children under three should not watch any TV, psychologist Dr Aric Sigman will argue at a Westminster conference. He also believes there should not be any TV sets in children’s bedrooms and that new mothers should be warned of the dangers of excessive viewing. Let me be straight on this. I agree that TV can be harmful, and that TV’s in children’s bedrooms are a bad idea. In my house there are NO TV’s in the bedroom and we do limit the time our kids watch TV. But that is OUR decision, it is OUR judgement, and it solely relates to OUR children. I would not dream of forcing other parents to follow what we do, it is a parental call, not one for Nanny State to make. If you allow politicians to control what media our children watch, that will inevitably lead to them also controlling the content of what is viewed. And that way lies the sort of totalitarianism we now see in Russia, where 50% of programmes have to be “favourable” towards Putin and his pals. I say keep politicians OUT of our viewing affairs.

“I’M STRAIGHT”! “YOU’RE SUSPENDED!”

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 8:48 am

Here’s an interesting one. A Christian student has been punished by his Michigan high school for demonstrating opposition to a school event celebrating the homosexual lifestyle.

At Oakridge High, duct tape was passed out for students to wear over their lips as a way to show solidarity with homosexual students who are..ahem… purportedly suffering in silence. John Gardner is pastor of Holton Family Life Worship Center in Holton, a community of approximately 2,500 about 17 miles northeast of Muskegon. Pastor Gardner says his 15-year-old son David, a student at Oakridge High, was suspended for a day by the school because he wrote with a black marker "I’m straight" on a piece of duct tape and attached it to his shirt. He explains that David donned the message to voice his objection to the school’s participation in the Day of Silence. He was confronted by the school’s authorities, asked to remove the offending duct tape and when he refused, suspended.

Just HOW intolerant is the gay lobby and those activists who seek to silence any criticism of their lifestyle? Well done David – and shame on Oakridge High.

NEW ULSTER UNIONIST STRATEGY TO SAVE THE DAY..

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 8:36 am

795151-784711-thumbnail.jpgThis weekend saw another Ulster Unionist AGM at which the Party once again failed to confront its inner demons. Sir Reg Empey cracked the whip and showed strong leadership by declaring (in best Mr Bean voice) that the Party would immediately….. undertake a six month review of its rules and regulations. Way to go – that’s gonna sort it all out! ATW has been leaked a preliminary copy of what the final document will look like….

IF IT MAKES LOO HAPPY….

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 8:24 am

crow.jpgI’m sorry to have to raise the somewhat indelicate topic of toilet paper usage but you can blame rock chick Sheryl Crow for raising the issue. In her "Saving the Earth" tour diary she records…

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required."

Honestly, Sheryl, I would stick to the song-writing if I were you. I mean no-one expects any of your song lyrics to make any sense but when you start lecturing us on how we need to limit the use of toilet paper to save the world, well,  "If it makes you (loo) happy"? Count me out!

THE NULABOUR CORONATION….

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 8:10 am

mr20bean.jpgI got a good laugh over at Ranting Stan’s site the other day when he expressed his relief that David Miliband (photo attached) was not going to stand as a candidate for the leadership of NuLabour? As Stan put it..

Thank God for that. It’s bad enough Britain being humiliated by having a Mr Bean in the Royal Navy – could you imagine the world’s reaction if we have another one as our Prime Minister?

 

Stan is spot on and it now looks very much like Gordon Brown will succeed Blair without any contest against a rival for the job. Good. I believe that Brown will struggle to hold his Party together, and that the tough reality is that there is dearth of talent in Government ranks, how else to explain Patricia Hewitt, Margaret Beckett, Hazel Blears, John Prescott, Des Browne etc? I guess this de facto coronation of Gordon Brown will be spoilt by the increasingly bad economic news, and the illusion that Brown has been a fantastic Chancellor of the Exchequer will be well and truly shattered when interest rates hike again. There is the other point that the skills required to be a Chancellor of the Exchequer and the skills required to be a Prime Minister are very different. I’m sure David Cameron will be happy to watch the coronation of Brown, because it will certainly heighten the prospects of a Conservative return to power. Of course whether THAT is a good thing is another debate to be had!

THE CASE FOR CAPITAL PUNISHMENT…

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 7:59 am

hollyjessica.jpgWere you reading that Ian Huntley has confessed for the first time that he is a paedophile after finally admitting he sexually assaulted an 11-year-old girl? The Soham killer’s admission follows a quest for justice by one of his first victims – Hailey Giblin – who says she was abused five years before he murdered Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman. Fair enough, he’s a paedophile murdering scumbag. Why are we, the British taxpayer, keeping him alive whilst his young victims lie in their graves? As I have said before, I favour the death penalty for certain crimes and in specific circumstances. This is one such circumstance. Huntley brutally murdered two young girls, he has confessed to paedophilia, so he can never be let out of prison as he is remains a danger to all kids. I say that he would benefit from removal from this world. I don’t write this in anger, I just think that this man has forfeited the right to life and it would be a kindness if he was executed. Do you agree?

DEATH FROM A BROKEN HEART?

By ATWadmin On April 23rd, 2007 at 7:42 am

So now we know the answer to the Jimmy Ruffin song "What becomes of the broken-hearted"?

The answer is, some will die from their broken heart. Scientists have found that when one partner in a long-term relationship dies, the survivor has a 27 per cent greater chance of succumbing to potentially fatal illnesses such as cancer and heart disease. The theory might explain why some couples seemed unable to live without one another – for example the country singer Johnny Cash and his wife June Carter Cash, who died within months of one another. Mrs Carter Cash died at 73 after heart surgery in May 2003, while Mr Cash passed away in September later that year from complications related to diabetes at the age of 71. Former Labour prime minister James Callaghan died at the age of 92 in 2005, just ten days after his beloved wife Audrey. Lord Callaghan died in the same hospice that cared for the woman to whom he had been married for 67 years.

I have to be honest and say that I cannot imagine life without my wife and were she to die before me I don’t see why I would want to go on. People argue that you have your own life, your own interests, your kids and maybe even grandkids to live for. All true of course but all missing the central point that when two become one for enough years, the thought of a final division is horrendous. Some people ask me where I get the energy from to do all this blogging thing (on top of my everyday personal and commercial life)  – the answer is I get it from my happy life and that is due to all the love and care my wife brings into my life. Were she gone, I too would wish to be gone.