My sources reveal that the C.I.A. is responsible for North Korean Leader Kim Jung Un’s height. At 5’5” the Leader of North Korea has apparently been the victim of a devious campaign of preventing him from growing. The exact method is unclear, but sources at the Pentagon indicate that he was sneaked cigarettes by the C.I.A station Chief in Switzerland during his school days to stunt his growth. As a result, the leader of the Hermit Kingdom has been unable to realize his dream of playing for the Chicago Bulls of the National Basketball Association.
The Dear Leader’s son recently held talks with Denis Rodman, a former NBA Star, regarding what steps he might take to overcome this problem. He sought out Rodman who has worn high heels for some tips, but alas Rodman advised that he had not actually played basketball in high heels and to do so would further handicap Kim’s game.
It is too early to tell if the C.I.A. is also behind Kim’s bad haircut.