22 2 mins 9 yrs

My sources reveal that the C.I.A. is responsible for North Korean Leader Kim Jung Un’s height.  At 5’5” the Leader of North Korea has apparently been the victim of a devious campaign of preventing him from growing.  The exact method is unclear, but sources at the Pentagon indicate that he was sneaked cigarettes by the C.I.A station Chief in Switzerland during his school days to stunt his growth.  As a result, the leader of the Hermit Kingdom has been unable to realize his dream of playing for the Chicago Bulls of  the National Basketball Association.

The Dear Leader’s son recently held talks with Denis Rodman, a former NBA Star, regarding what steps he might take to overcome this problem.  He sought out Rodman who has worn high heels for some tips, but alas Rodman advised that he had not actually played basketball in high heels and to do so would further handicap Kim’s game.

It is too early to tell if the C.I.A. is also behind Kim’s bad haircut.

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22 thoughts on “United States Responsible for Kim Jung UN Not Being a Basketball Star

  1. The CIA also has other plans for installing an American puppet leader in North Korea once the sky darkens, the birds weep and the Dear Leader’s son ascends to heaven. In a radical departure this person will be taller than the average Korean male and will also wear high heels , but in a nod to Korean tradition they will also be called Kim… step forward agent Kardashian 😉

  2. The Rodman hijinks in N Korea only highlight the insanity of that regime.

    I don’t think that you can negotiate with people like that, who live outside of all logic, who don’t care if their people starve in their hundreds of thousands, who have not honored previous agreements.

    The only good outcomes could be spontaneous collapse, or agreement with China to sanctions that really bite. China holds the cards, but does not want to fully use them for their own perceived security reasons.

  3. “I don’t think that you can negotiate with people like that”

    What’s there to negotiate, the removal of 30,000 American tropps from the NK border? If the Chinese parked thousands of troops on the southern bank of the Rio Grande you wouldn’t be talking about negotiations.

    “China holds the cards, but does not want to fully use them for their own perceived security reasons.”

    China can pull the plug on Pyongyang anytime it likes, but why would it do so if the outcome is American bases on the Yalu River? They’re not stupid.

  4. Actually the truth is that the founding member of the Kim dynasty of North Korea was a tal’ man.
    A very tal’ man. His name was Kim Buh Lee.

    Here he is (in the middle) with lovely Mum on the left and astounded Dad on the right..

    So you see. Originally Dear Leader’s forbears were very tal’ tal’ men. Tal’er than most American men.
    But. Overtime the affairs of State, the cares of the peoples and plots of evil Americans, bore down heavy.
    Very very heavy, on shoulders of Dynasty of Kim….

  5. ‘Leaders’ .. Huh.

    “We find that at present the human race is divided into one wise man, nine knaves, and ninety fools out of every hundred. That is, by an optimistic observer. The nine knaves assemble themselves under the banner of the most knavish among them, and become ‘politicians’; the wise man stands out, because he knows himself to be hopelessly outnumbered, and devotes himself to poetry, mathematics, or philosophy; while the ninety fools plod off under the banners of the nine villains, according to fancy, into the labyrinths of chicanery, malice and warfare. It is pleasant to have command, observes Sancho Panza, even over a flock of sheep, and that is why the politicians raise their banners. It is, moreover, the same thing for the sheep whatever the banner. If it is democracy, then the nine knaves will become members of parliament; if fascism, they will become party leaders; if communism, commissars. Nothing will be different, except the name. The fools will be still fools, the knaves still leaders, the results still exploitation. As for the wise man, his lot will be much the same under any ideology. Under democracy he will be encouraged to starve to death in a garret, under fascism he will be put in a concentration camp, under communism he will be liquidated.”
    ― T.H. White, The Book of Merlyn (1941)


  6. The US would not put any bases on the Yalu River. Grow up.

    The Chinese don’t want a pro-American and united Korea – that’s the gist of it.

    A united Korea would still hate the Japanese, but it would be less bad than the current situation.

  7. Gosh yes, I’d quite forgotten how reluctant the Pentagon is to build foreign bases. There’s simply no way a united, pro-US Korea Peninsular would be used by Washington against China. Simply wouldn’t happen.

  8. That’s why countries have negotiations, Pete.

    And there would be no particular purpose in having a base in that place to begin with.

    How many bases were built in the old East Germany when Germany was reunited?

  9. Harri – I must disagree with the quotation. The ‘wise man’ isn’t particularly wise but is mega-rich, way beyond his needs, through control of the issuance of money. He controls communism and democracy, setting up a fake ‘cold war’ to ensure that the ninety fools spent their taxes and waste their lives to enrich his corporations whilst the knaves on both sides play the game. Here is his picture – and it isn’t Arnie or Buffie:

    Arnold and Buffet’s Loaded Elephant Gun?

  10. I wouldn’t be too sure that the US would be allowed to keep its military bases in a re-unified Korea. The Koreans may have good reason to rid themselves of US-military Inc. Like Cuba, NK serves a very useful purpose by its existence. It’s the non-threatening ‘threat’ which terrifies Troll and tens of millions of Americans who share his awareness(?) of events.

  11. I’d like to visit Korea some day. They are an exceptionally talented people. In the South, they have created a prosperous, confident country by virtue of their brains and work ethic, all the more impressive when seen against the great sadness that is North Korea.

    It is impressive that Korea is still a nation at all, wedged between Japan and China. That is a very tough neighborhood to grow up in.

    A united Korea could be one of the important countries of the world. I’d like to see it.

  12. The last thing that the US government wants is a united Korea. If NK were no longer there, the pretext for having US-military Inc. so close to its next new enemy would be gone. That’s why the US will send life-support assistance to NK and tell Japan to mind its own business:


    Senior U.S. administration officials held secret talks in North Korea on at least three occasions in 2011 and 2012.

    The U.S. State Department even warned the Foreign Ministry against making further inquiries, saying they would harm bilateral relations, the sources said.

    The third visit that The Asahi Shimbun has confirmed is one that took place in November 2011. Sources said at least one military aircraft from the Guam air base loaded heavy equipment, including bulldozers, at Yokota Air Base in western Tokyo and flew to Pyongyang.

    Same old, same old….

  13. Troll – did you check the matter above in which the US is sending heavy equipment to help out North Korea then telling japan to take a hike when the japanese ask about it? As you can see, phantom was obliged to beat a hasty retreat, as is so often the case.

  14. The US isn’t doing that, the Obama Administration is. There is a difference.

  15. Troll – do you perceive North Korea as a ‘threat’ or a useful asset? I’ve explained the latter at 8.49pm.

  16. NK is a threat. A united Korea must and will happen. When it does don’t think we will move our assets. They still sit in Germany for Christs sake.

    You delude yourself with the actions of the rogue regime currently occupying the White House. They are an aberration, a bump in the swing of the pendulum, nothing more. Yes they are causing great harm, it is that very harm that will be the asset in setting things right. Their over reaching is their downfall.

    Allan I ask you a question. Which is more likely, that as our economic strength dwindles our military strength will dwindle, or as our economic strength fades we do what we do best and create and maintain a force deadlier than the world has ever known?

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