Men, the time has come to take a last stand. Womens groups in a number of countries are pushing for toilet policy in which men would sit while urinating. I am not taking the piss here, as such a movement has found roots in such different countries as Germany and Taiwan. We men must put a lid on this movement.
The controversy has its origin in the age old gender dispute of whether to leave the toilet seat up or down. Women, having fallen in to chilly bowls or witnessed less than dry seating have started to take serious action. I put aside arguments as to efficiency and health, each of which has supporters clearly divided along the Adam and Eve line. But I would argue that men risk emasculation by being forced to give up one of the last thresholds of machismo – namely peeing standing up. Damn it, we can write our names in the snow, are we going to give up this last refuge of manhood?
Let us face the fact that we men all think we have better aim than we do and often pee with the seat down. Especially late at night when the twin benefits of light and sobriety may not available to enhance our efforts. We must concede the obvious. I imagine this would be a less than attractive spectacle for the female of the species when next visiting the porcelain chambers. I also note with regret the insult and injury I have caused various female relations, lovers, and random women by failing to lower the seat causing them to splash down in the water like an Apollo Spaceship returning to Earth (the moon analogy must be forgiven).
However, I think that given out nature we men are unable to change. Banish our cigars to the woods, take the remote to watch Reality Dancing Shows instead of John Wayne Film Festivals, but please allow us the remaining dignity of standing while peeing. To steal a slogan from Irish nationalists – Up the Lids!