Copy of a letter to two local newspapers:-
For the attention of The Editor
Durham City residents are no doubt preparing with breathless anticipation for the annual invasion of political losers, drunks, brass bands, drunks, tattered and threadbare banners, communist fellow-travellers and all things Unionised; along of course with ever more drunks; as the day draws ever closer for the epitome of all things associated with the true age of Lost Causes: The Durham Miners Gala.
No doubt one or more of the Labour leadership hopefuls will be striking poses on the County Hotel balcony, and all will probably wish to inspect the Surveyors Safety Certificate which will, no doubt, prove that the balcony structure is safely capable of holding the massed dreams of yet another bunch of Red-Flag-waving losers.
Durham City business owners and shopkeepers will no doubt be also taking the normal annual precautions of boarding their windows up, along with shipping their womenfolk off to Newcastle for a peaceful day’s shopping in civilised surroundings rather than have their eyes and ears subject to the hate-filled ranting of the sub-moronic marchers as they stagger their way towards the Racecourse, and the louder rantings of the Union bosses who deign to appear, grin broadly and nod before heading off to count their pension entitlements.
Isn’t it about time that we end the damp, beer-filled gathering which goes by the collective noun of the Gala: and happily draw a shade over the lost wet dreams of a bunch of Socialists who collectively could not organise a booze-up in a brewery; never mind run an Industrialised and Civilised Country?