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You cannot make it up.

Police ‘only investigate attempted burglaries at even-numbered homes’

A trial scheme in Leicestershire meant that people living in odd-numbered homes were treated differently to their neighbours

Yep, you read that right. Leicestershire rozzers have been investigating burglaries only at odd-numbered homes. Four other useless forces are also thinking of following suit. The reason, as ever when state employees can’t be bothered to provide a full service to the tax victims who must cough up for their fat salaries or go to prison, is “budget cuts”.

Think about it: A bunch of senior coppers squeezed their fat bellies round a meeting table, which no doubt had a barrel of doughnuts in the middle. One of them said “Why don’t we stop investigating burglaries in half the county? Let’s do just the even numbers, yes? Cripes these doughnuts are good eh? Nom nom nom …

“Cracking idea Jones. Let’s get to it. And don’t tell the saps who have to pay us. More doughnuts?”

Peter Hitchens asked on Sunday when the fat doughnut-munchers will stop investigating murders. It can’t be long. In the meantime, I suggest that victims of police fecklessness begin deducting the police precept from their local taxes. If you’re not getting what you pay for then stop paying.

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