14 2 mins 11 yrs

 

Most if not all of the Kindle e-book readers bought by the hundreds of thousands from the online retailer Amazon over the Christmas present season have either been slung in a corner, or damaged as the owners realise that it is not an add-on for an X-Box or a Playstation.

Most new Kindle owners were extremely upset when they realised that it not only could not play ‘World of Warcraft’ or ‘Battlefield 3′; all the device could do was exhibit pages from an outdated technology known as books.

Waynetta Scrubs, of Billericay, collectively given a Kindle by her nine children, (the product of one- or two-night stands with seven (or was it six) blokes after getting paralytically drunk on maxi-bottles of Smirnoff, studied the instructions on the box with the aid of her oldest son. She then asked, “What the F*** did yew get me this heap of rubbish for? Yew trying to get at me cos’ yew fink I’m fick? Switch on the box, TOWIE is on in five minnits!”

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14 thoughts on “British Christmas presents, or WTF?

  1. Yup Mike,

    Your post has confirmed my opinion and observations that many of the inhabitants of these islands are not exactly sophisticated enough to deal with technology unless it’s “gaming technology” aimed at people with the brain activity of 6-year olds. In other words they’re infantile, unevolved idiots.

    They get off on pushing the buttons, seeing bright lights hearing bang/boom/crash and watching some computer character bite the dust or rally car zoom around a computer generated course. Fun for the feeble minded.

    I bought a Barnes and Noble (American book store chain) “ColorNook” e-reader in the States last year. I find it’s quality is great, the colours vivid and sharp. I use it for one reason and one reason only. I love to read books, but Irish libraries only contain Liberal, Socialist propaganda crap by the likes of Noam Chomsky or novels aimed at lonely, horny middle aged women whose husbands are banging young sexy members of their staff at work or the local “foreign national” hookers.

    Of course I had to buy a transformer to use when I recharge my Nook, but that was a small price. I also can’t download books from outside the United states at the moment (But that’s gonna change in the 2nd quarter of this year when Waterstones starts selling Nooks). I downloaded a bunch when i was in the States this past Autumn.

    Using the Nook allows me to choose what I want to read at a low price and I don’t have to store paper volumes all over the house. On trips I carry this little reader instead of 5 or 6 books which take up room in my suitcase.

    I guess the Kindle is ok. I was looking at one in Tescos, bit it was the cheao black & white version and the screen quality was no where near as good as the Nook.

    If you’re thinking of investing in an e-reader wait till the Nook hits the Waterstone book shops.

  2. Hey I live in Billericay!

    It’s home to a lot of smart hip city workers (and myself). In fact it’s a pretty affluent area of Essex.
    You may be thinking of three miles down the road in Basildon. I adore my free Kindle App.

  3. Dog…,

    My humble apologies. I completely forgot that the Essex equivalent of a Chinese Wall existed between Billericay and Basildon.

    Do you still have to show your passport (or latest tattoo) if wanting to travel from Basildon into Billericay?

  4. Don’t like them. Will resist them as long as I can. So long as I can buy real books I will go on doing so. The decline of bookshops on our streets, wonderful civilised places to browse and find books you would never have thought of is a tragedy and these E readers are to blame.

    Death to the Kindle !

  5. No problem Mike. Your right about the border security though.
    Checkpoint Charlie is now somewhere on the A176…

  6. I bought Monica one last year, she loves it. Me I’m sorry I love to just sit down with an old thick musty thing that you actually have to turn a page. Allthough I will admit that the one I got Monica had a collection of over 1000 classics preloaded for free

  7. Waynetta Scrubs, of Billericay, collectively given a Kindle by her nine children, (the product of one- or two-night stands with seven (or was it six) blokes after getting paralytically drunk on maxi-bottles of Smirnoff, studied the instructions on the box with the aid of her oldest son. She then asked, โ€œWhat the F*** did yew get me this heap of rubbish for? Yew trying to get at me cosโ€™ yew fink Iโ€™m fick? Switch on the box, TOWIE is on in five minnits!โ€

    Patronising rubbish. As it happens, I spoke to a 20 something kindle user today, from a working class background. She is averaging one book a week from Amazon. I’d be tempted to get one myself except that it wouldn’t solve my time (lack of) problem.

  8. I can understand Colm’s antipathy to them and had similar reservations until I got one. You’d think you miss the feel and heft of a book until you actually start reading something on one of these devices. You soon realise that books are all about the words and have nothing to do with the paper. The actual gizmo is pretty much invisible while reading unless you click a button by mistake.

    Though I still don’t like that you can’t easily lend books, and (at least the way Amazon does it) they’d be a censor’s dream. A flick of a switch and a book somebody doesn’t like could be gone.

  9. The censorship issue is a problem for me, as far as I’m concerned once I have paid for a book it should be mine, not on licence until someone wishes to alter it.

    Imagine if a successful author decided to do a George Lucas and “update” their work every few years thereby destroying it and your original copy got changed every time.

  10. Frank

    I understand the convenience and ease of use of E readers and I know you can and should enjoy a piece of literature for it’s content regardless of the format it come in, but I just fear the consequences it will have on the whle culture of book reading. For myself I would say that some 90-95% of all the books I have read have been as a result of randomingly browsing bookshops and seeing books of interest often of topics I would never have actually searched for. That to me is the great benefit of the traditional practise of purchasing books physically on display amongst miles of shelves in shops. With E purchasing you have to search by a topic or author and I think you very much miss out on the randomness of something that catches your eye. I also really like seeing my books all on their shelves and letting visitors browse and borrow them and likewise in their homes. The whole culture of books and their display is a civilising aesthetic that I think a little metallic electronic device cannot compete with.

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