8 2 mins 9 yrs


….I was walking towards our local Tesco, intent on a newspaper, a couple of Danish pastries (heroin substitute) and a box of eggs. I noticed what seemed to be an ordinary family; father, mother and two small daughters moving towards the exit with their heavily-laden trolley, and watched with incredulity as they proceeded to attempt to push their Tesco trolley across the boundary between the car-park area and the outside road. They seemed puzzled by the fact that the trolley wheels had ‘locked up’; as they had crossed over an electronic signal line which does apply a brake to the front wheels. This device has been fitted to all supermarket trolley wheels for over ten-odd years now, primarily as a defence against the theft of trolleys which, once having transported the shopping to home, were dumped by those same lazy thieves as ‘surplus to their requirements’.

My incredulity was caused by the existence of a large Tesco signboard sited less than five feet away from the exit which stated “Warning, Trolley wheels will lock up if taken passed this point”!

Now the questions which must be asked are as follows:-

  • Were they unable to read or understand the clear English of the warning notice?
  • Did they think that the warning notice didn’t somehow apply to them?
  • Were they collectively too bloody stupid for words?

I lean towards the third query, as the body language of the heavily-tattooed man stated as he stood back, staring at the recalcitrant and stubbornly-immobile trolley, scratching his head as he realised he had to carry all his shopping, inclusive of four twelve-packs of lager, back to wherever they lived.

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8 thoughts on “On this sunny Saturday morning……

  1. Mike,

    And you were surprised? – they were examples of the latest version of the Blair Mk2 Brit, otherwise known as ‘Kyleans’. I read that they are preparing to launch an updated version where the need for a Father figure is dispensed with after the initial insemination, thus enabling essential education to be reduced to a knowledge of celebrity culture, fashion and popular music.

    There has been a much denied government ‘leak’ that suggests surplus males will be deployed abroad in various roles, including spreading the latest Brit culture of Bar Brawling, and High Rise diving, but they have had problems with the latter as they seem to have diffficulty in detecting the actual presence of water below. The problem has been blamed on the subjects general unfamilarity with anything other than rain water.

  2. //Were they unable to read or understand the clear English of the warning notice?//

    Clear English? It’s full of mistakes, man!

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