44 2 mins 9 yrs

5.00am today in Pete Moore Towers and disaster’s about to strike. The alarm clock goes mental, I’m startled awake – and I have the feeling something’s up. It’s usually the digi radio alarm thingy which goes off first. I lean over to read the time and the display’s blank. I get up and peer out; the trees are swaying and the village is pitch black. Everything’s out, we’ve lost power. Clearly Britain’s infrastructure isn’t up to resisting a stiff breeze.

Alarm clock no.2 goes off and so does the mobile phone alarm. Yep, I need my sleep and I’m a very deep sleeper. Two-is-one and one-is-none, so goes the saying in the prepping world. I go for four.

I now realise the scale of the catastrophe: I’m also a caffeine addict and there’s no power. No power means no gallon of Hot Lava Java for breakfast. It’s a grim-faced me driving into work this morning, I can tell you.

Then – salvation!

Ronald McDonald comes to the rescue in pursuit of noble profit. I see that magnificent golden arch lit up from half a mile away, followed by “McDonald’s Drive-Thru”. Whatever a ‘Drive-Thru’ is, I drive through it. Within minutes I have three large black coffees (one for the instant fix, two for the flask) and all is good again. It’s not bad either, not the worst coffee I’ve had.

Bottom line: while crony, government-distorted sectors will always let you down, capitalism and free markets always deliver, even when they destroy the language with execrable slogans.

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44 thoughts on “SAVED BY THE GOLDEN ARCHES

  1. Pete – glad to read that you were ok, that the coffee you received was made with water that passed government quality standards, that you drove on government paved roads to get there, that the employee had washed their hands and the cups were clean due to government sanitary regulations, that if someone tried to rob you of your coffee money you could call on the police, that state sponsored education helped you read the menu and count your change, that had the coffee poisoned you then you (or your estate) could avail yourself of the courts, that despite the storm threat and power outage the government maintained order so that rioters didn’t overturn your car, that the brakes worked when you stopped at the drive thru due to licensed mechanics and auto repair regulations, that you were able to pay with government made money and didn’t have to barter for your coffee with beads or magic beans.

    Would you like fries with that?

  2. Gosh, yes, humanity was always dead before government came along to save us. I now see that McDonald’s would have chosen to poison me this morning without the benevolent, restraining hand of the State looming over it.

    that despite the storm threat and power outage the government maintained order so that rioters didn’t overturn your car

    Good grief, where do you think I live? With immigrants and welfare addicts? We don’t have that type around these here parts, thank you very much. Mine is a respectable area.

  3. No – McDonald’s is not good:

    http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/mcdonalds-burger-that-looks-the-same-as-day-it-was-cooked-14-years-ago/story-fneuz8zj-1226628424189

    IF you need another reason to kick the junk food habit this should do it. David Whipple is the proud owner of a 14-year-old McDonald’s hamburger. And it looks exactly the same as the day he bought it.

    “I was showing some people how enzymes work and I thought a hamburger would be a good idea. And I used it for a month and then I forgot about it. It ended up in a paper sack with the receipt in my coat pocket tossed in the back of my truck and it sat there for, I don’t know, two or three months.”

    McDonalds is where corporate capitalism goes: low wages, shit product, idiots who buy it (Pete excepted). No wonder they’re so successful as their market is huge. But it’s of no nutritional value at all.

  4. Henry94- Looks like a tragic story, though I suspect and hope a unique one. I’ve had a child in a Neonatal Care Center and the staff was excellent.

  5. I like Big Macs. I don’t have them very often, but they are the only McDonalds product I enjoy.

  6. Remember when that young girl was electrocuted in the Belfast McDonald’s bathroom? Glad the storm wasn’t as bad as they were saying…we’re still recovering from Sandy. In fact the McD’s near work bit the dust due to Sandy…one of many casualties…though I haven’t been in a McD’s in ages and ages…Subway veggie delite for me on cheese and herb bread!

  7. Subway veggie delite for me on cheese and herb bread!

    With extra chillies, no olives, chilli & sweet onion sauce.

    Manna from heaven Mairin.

  8. Paul:

    ‘That nice piece of hallibut was good enough for Jehovah’

    ‘Blasphemy! He’s said it again!’

  9. Allan

    What did you have for dinner tonight?

    Tell the truth now

    That was last night and I had fish and chips from the chippy just 10mins walk from my home. On that note, I shall tell you a little story about an American colleague.

    I worked for an American firm in Fife, Scotland a few years ago. One of my colleagues, Andy, was from Texas and I invited him back to mine for dinner with me and the wife. She was prepearing chicken and chips i.e. chicken breast dipped in egg then dipped in bread crumbs and deep fried. Andy stood at the side of the kitchen transfixed by the events. I asked him what was the problem and he said that he had never seen chicken and chips being prepared in such a manner. “In what way”, I inquired, and he said that he had never seen ‘French fries’ prepared directly from a potato nor seen chicken prepared directly from whole chicken meat in egg and bread crumb.

    This show just how far away many of us are from real food.

  10. Allan

    I just think your American colleague had no imagination. You don’t have to see fried chicken and chips being made to work out how they are cooked. Unless he actually thought ‘French fries’ grew in the ground that way and that chickens are actually reared covered in fried breadcrumnbs 😉

  11. I think that in many intensely urban areas of the US and increasingly in the UK, food is bought ready to eat out of KFC/McDonalds/Burger King (delete as appropriate) and many people do not have direct experience of cooking. My friend was aware that ‘French fries’ are made of potato (reconstituted) but he had never actually seen a potato being prepared for chips nor seen the minor steps for making chicken in breadcrumbs. Nowadays itis increasingly difficult to go into a restaurant and get hand-cut chips i.e. chips directly from a potato and not out of a bag.

  12. Allan

    A friend of mine told me of an incident he overheard in a restaurant the other day. A girl of about 18 or 19 was on a date with her boyfriend and judging by the overheard conversation it was the first meal date she had had with him. She mentioned that she was awkward using a knife and fork because “We never use them at home ” – apparently they only ever ate take away food you could eat with your hands at home and she had also never eaten in a ‘proper’ restaurant before. I know many people live the fast food lifestyle but imagine being unfamiliar with cutlery at an adult age !

  13. but imagine being unfamiliar with cutlery at an adult age !

    Many cultures do not use cutlery.

  14. Colm – yes, and I can believe it to be fairly widespread.

    Harri – what sort of cultures can they be where those of that culture do not have eating utensils?

  15. Harri – what sort of cultures can they be where those of that culture do not have eating utensils?

    All the Indian/Asian people I know eat with there hands.

    So do I when I am drunk enough 😉

    But only Kebabs

  16. In most Supermarkets these days, it appears to be cheaper to buy a large fresh .. ish cooked chicken than buy an uncooked one, and it saves all that bother.

  17. Harri

    The girl was a blonde English rose… albeit a somewhat uncultured flower !

    PS – Where’s the bother in cooking a chicken you lazy old goat.

    Stick some oil on it, add a sprinkle of salt and black pepper and shove it in the oven for a couple of hours. It’s not rocket science 😉

  18. Aileen, on October 29th, 2013 at 8:00 PM Said:
    You don’t get the juices for gravy if you don’t cook it yourself.

    I only have one other cooking tip Aileen

    OXO cubes and a kettle, Aunt Bessies yorkshire frozen puddings, and Tescos ready cooked roast potatoes cooked in Goose fat

    Colm

    I have ordered from the local Butcher, my Xmas turkey, cooked and ready sliced 😉

  19. Colm, on October 29th, 2013 at 8:03 PM Said:
    Things are often jucier when you do it yourself 🙂

    Ithangyou

  20. PS – Where’s the bother in cooking a chicken you lazy old goat

    My wife works shifts on a Sunday 😉

    Lazy .. Moi?

    Oh, hold on a minute

  21. Aileen, on October 29th, 2013 at 8:13 PM Said:
    Harri

    There are so many answers to that and none of them very proper!

    That’s why I kept the recipe simples and called it OXO 😉

    My next door neighbour is an airline pilot and earns more than me, he calls it ‘au jus’ sauce, I think he means gravy .. the snob

  22. Daphne, on October 29th, 2013 at 8:39 PM Said:
    Colm, it sounds like you’re a great hand in the kitchen.

    When he is sober 😉

  23. Stick some oil on it, add a sprinkle of salt and black pepper and shove it in the oven for a couple of hours. It’s not rocket science

    That should be Maldon Sea Salt of course. Nothing else does.

    Score the skin, grab a big pinch and rub it in. Do that with a pork joint and you get lovely crackling.

  24. Score the skin, grab a big pinch and rub it in. Do that with a pork joint and you get lovely crackling.

    And a heart attack 😉

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