13 7 mins 4 yrs

Guest Post from Paul

 

Brexit timeline:

–  February 2016. David Cameron sets June date for UK referendum vote on EU membership

–  June 2016. UK votes to leave the EU by narrow majority in non binding referendum immediately polarising British society

– July 2016. Cameron resigns. Theresa May assumes control of government

– January 2017. High Court finds that the UK can’t withdraw from EU without an Act of the UK Parliament permitting the government to do so. British tabloid media brandsHigh Court Judges ‘enemies of the people’

– February 2017. European Union (Notification of Withdrawal) Act 2017 passes in Westminster

– March 2017. Article 50 invoked in Parliament stating that the UK will leave the EU at 23:00 on 29 March 2019

– June 2018. British Parliament approve EU Withdrawl Act. UK & EU representatives negotiate terms of withdrawl

– November 2018. Draft deal agreed. ‘Irish backstop’ introduced.

– December 2018. Draft deal rejected by DUP, May’s ‘confidence & supply’ support in Government

– March 2019. Westminster votes to extend UK exit from EU

– March 2019. ‘People’s Vote’ petiton launched online. Recieves almost one million votes in first day

– March 2019. Petition to stop People’s Vote launched. Recieves forty thousand signatures in four days, (says the sExpress)

– March 2019. Disputed numbers from 300,000 to 1,000,000 people march through London demanding ‘People’s Vote’

-March 2019. Brexit ‘Freedom March’ from Jarrow to London begins. Dozens of patriots join the march.

-March 2019. People’s Vote’ petiton goes viral and recieves over 500,000,000 signatures – the PVP immediately becomes self-aware.

– March 2019. PVP hacks into national government database and immediately obliterates stop PVP petition, harvesting the names and addresses of the signatories. Dispatches drones armed with Hellfire air to ground missiles to target the Brexit ‘Freedom March’ . Thirty four people are killed in what will become known as the ‘Massacre of the Monotonous’ as no one on the march survives.

– April 2019. Parliament is immediately recalled to disscuss the ‘Massacre of the Monotonous’. The PVP immediately redirects deliverys of alcohol and food to Westminster’s twenty four hour subsidised bars and restaurants. Parliament is thrown into irreversible chaos.

– April 2019. The PVP targets the 40,000 signatures of the anti PVP petition and 663 people are killed when it’s discovered that the signatories are multiple, multiple signatures taken from the Daily Mail letters page generated by a Daily sExpress bot operation.

– May 2019. Parliament recalled, Anna Soubury tries to lamp Daniel Hannon with the Parlimentary sceptre calling him ‘a lousy, lying know nothing fucker’

– May 2019. Theresa May assasinated, middle aged tubby in ill fitting suit and unkempt blonde mane suspect seen attempting to run from the scene. The spark that lit the Brexit wars.

– June 2019. The PVP converts Brexit abondoned car factories in northern England and recalibrates manufacturing machines to churn out hundreds of thousands of deadly robot War Dog fighting drones. The Brexiteer Constitutional Commonwealth Army, with military and technological aid from the Russian and US governments, maufacture hundreds of thousands of deadly robot combat drones of their own from the ‘Fuck John McCain’ prototype.

– July 2019 to October 2026. The Brexit Wars

Millions of dead, men, women, children. Once great cities consist of nothing more than smouldering ruins inhabited by starving anguished souls clad in rags.

– September 2019. The Continental Army of the European Union, commanded by European Overlords from golden palaces floating in the sky,  invades the state of Northern Ireland after desperate requests for intervention from ethnic Europeans there. The state of NI is annexed by the EU and reunited with its natural Irish hinterland. ‘Brexit Buster’ ferries are supplied to ferry British citizens from the NI liberated zone to Britain proper. Scores are repatriated.

In Britain war between the Brexiteer Constitutional Commonwealth Army and the Free British European Resistance, which has declared itself the rightful government of the English nation, rages with hundreds of thousands of casualties on both sides. Scotland has unilaterally declared itself the Confederated Republic of Scotland and while the CRoS offers some hope to refugees fleeing the horrific Brexit wars British refugees in Europe have reached over 4,000,000, safe passage is assured through both the Euro friendly territories of the Isle of Man and Gibraltar. The Channel Islands have told British refugees that they can’t enter unless the have 1,000,000 quid to deposit in off shore accounts.

Don Don, the King of the entire continent of north America has offered refugee asylum, which he says is ‘biggly and the greatest refugee asylum ever’ It is limited to those who are white, Christian and speak English.

In October 2026, caught in a pincer movement between the Free British European Resistance to the south and east and a Confederated Republic of Scotland hard border to the north the bloodied but unbowed Brexiteer Constitutional Commonwealth Army beat a tactical retreat to Wales in the west where at a former AWE site at Llanishen just outside Cardiff, financed by multi millionaire Arron Banks living in exile on Jersey, they mine previously buried uranium, construct a device and launch a nuclear strike on the base of the Free British European Resistance, the Palace of Westminster.

The world is in mourning. Millions are dead and British civilisation is on its knees.

 

A RAY OF HOPE…….

 

March 2032

 

In a luxury bunker buried deep below the smouldering ruins of what was once Mayfair in London a group of people descended from priviledged wealthy Eton elite and Oxbridge science graduates accidentally stumble across an obscure quantum physics theorum equation and perfect the motion of time travel. An upcoming, enigmatic young man, considered to be one of the most brilliant of the group  is chosen by the rebels to travel back in time and foil Cameron and May’s dastardly plan. His code name is three leters, JRM.

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13 thoughts on “YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! AH, DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!

  1. Some three years ago ( it seems like much longer ) St Theresa of May..be or Maybenot was summoned by God ( or was it Nigel Farage) to the top of Big Ben where she did come across a tablet of stone , with but one holy commandment carved into it. Knowing her sacred duty she slid down Big Ben ( ooh er) and entered the Commons to reveal the glorious strong and stable instruction to a rapt , or possibly bored House…… BREXIT MEANS BREXIT !

    and so it began…… 😉

  2. I forgot to add, one of the first casualties of the Brexit wars was the martyr St The Nige of Farage, (peace be upon him).

  3. Well, that fell on its face in quite spectacular fashion. I’ll not be giving up my day job just yet then.

  4. Don’t give up Paul. I think ATW is just experiencing touch of Brexit fatigue. No doubt it will liven up again soon like pantomime horse stumbling onto an electric fence 😉

  5. “chosen by the rebels to travel back in time and foil Cameron and May’s dastardly plan. His code name is three leters, JRM.” He already traveled back in time – he was born in the early 19th century, or so it seems. JRM who canvassed with his nanny is in real life an unbelievable character.

  6. well I suppose at least he does come from a proper Brexit century, when we were fightIng European rivals all over the continent and the JRMs were sipping brandies in their gentlemen’s clubs while peasant foot soldiers were shedding blood in muddy cold fields. The “good old days’ before we were all “shackled” to Brussells.

  7. 27 March 2019:

    Theresa May is seen leaving the Palace of Westminister and walking slowly but deliberately and with bowed head towards the Thames. She is carrying a large rock as heavy as 5.8 million signatures, as well as a piece of rope linking the rope to her left ankle, and is heard muttering unkind words about certain people who can’t make up their mind.

    When she reaches the river she takes her last look at the world and the capital city of the beloved country she had hoped to lead to full independence, or independence with one foot in and one foot out to ensure the said beloved country would not miss out on the goodies.

    Before finally lowering her head towards the waters and her doom, her eyes catch sight of a man opening a window in a building down the river on the other side. It is ATW’s Colm, and he – incredibly, she thinks – proceeds to unzip and take a pee into the river.

    The lady’s face is immediately lit up with the light of an epiphany. Forgetting backstops and meaningful votes, forgetting that awful man Bercow, forgetting all the loyal Members she had just now left behind, she is fixated on only this one Member. Forgetting even the rope and the stone, she immediately leaps into the cold and dark waters and swims like a woman possessed in the direction of her new goal in life, the ferocity of her movements being more than enough to drag the weight on her ankle along with her.

    One hour later we see the man and woman relaxing together in a bubble-bath with a bottle of champagne beside, and a long and happy life of nuptial bliss ahead of them.
    “Well, here’s one loyal member who will always rise to support you”, he jokes, and she giggles and reaches forward to tickle him behind the knees.

  8. Noel

    Wonderfully descriptive fantasy there. Although putting the image in my head of this member bobbing about in soapy suds with Mrs May probably means I might never be able to rise to anyone’s occasion ever again 🥺

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